Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Dealing with the anger................

So, not sure where to begin with this one. My husband is angry, and with reason. There is a horrifying element in his life that he cannot control. He is having problems accepting his illness and all that comes with it. I can understand why but I can't give him answers as to why he was stricken with MS. I sure wish I could.

I've suggested to him the possibility of going to some sort of therapy. Much to my surprise it didn't take any convincing. He was very open to the opportunity to open up and let it all go. So, he has asked that I set this up for him. I've taken this on only because he works during business hours, and really can't make the appropriate calls. He trusts that I will find someone for him that he'll feel comfortable talking to. He says 'who better' than me to accomplish this task. I am his wife, his friend, his lover and his caregiver.

I will look for a female psychiatrist (or psychologist) whichever is appropriate. He's somewhat old fashioned in that speaking to a male regarding these issues wouldn't be manly. Some of the other reasons for this are more intimate in nature. Although our relationship is strong, there are weaknesses in the physical aspects that need to be discussed and worked through. These issues have come up since he has started on MS medications.

My other concern right now is regarding when he should stop working. Do I leave it up to him to decide? Truthfully, in a financial aspect, we need him working. With work comes medical coverage. I really think if it wasn't for that and the fact that we just bought a home, he would choose to go on disability. He feels, and is probably correct, that not working would only depress him more. He comes from a line of hardworking men and that is what men do, WORK.

On the other hand, I worry everyday about him out driving that big rig. Physically is takes alot out of him and I wonder if this energy would be better used to fight his MS. In that he would be more rested, eat healthier, and be safer doing something less demanding on him.

So that is my question.....When is it time to stop working when you have MS? Do you wait until you physically cannot work or do you leave before that point?

Please anyone who reads this give me your opinions and stories. For or against, it doesn't matter. I just need some input on this if possible.

Thanks for reading.



Emms said...

I imagine that when your husband begins to talk with a professional (which is a wonderful idea), some answers as to when he should quit working will come up.

Can he cut back hours before quitting all out?

It is a big decision. For now, he is a position to still do things on his own terms, and maybe that is important to him.

Hopefully some answers will come!

MSwife327 said...

He used to work up to 80 hours a week. He is a truckdriver. That's part of what makes me so nervous. His employers have been great though. They can visually tell when he's had enough or that maybe that they should schedule a shorter day for him. When he's really not good, they have no problem with him taking a day or two. They keep his truck serviced so the AC is always running optimally at all times. His hours are no more than 50 a week now.